Table of contents
Preface
Part 1
I. Exploring Conflict
Defining Conflict: Where Do You Stand?
PURPOSE: To help participants understand how they perceive conflict, and what conflict
means in their life experiences.
Two Responses to Conflict: Fight or Flight
PURPOSE: To give participants a chance to explore their responses to conflict and then
consider the advantages and disadvantages of each response.
How Can We Both Win? A Quick Demonstration
PURPOSE: To help participants understand the difference between working against one
another and working together toward a mutual end when resolving a dispute.
II. Know Yourself
Individual Conflict Styles: A Zoological Approach
PURPOSE: To help participants recognize that there are distinct differences in conflict
resolution styles, and that being flexible and respecting others might help in resolving conflict.
Identifying Helpful Communication Styles
PURPOSE: To give participants an opportunity to identify their individual communication
styles, and to discuss how communication styles impact conflict resolution.
I Lose-You Lose
PURPOSE: To help participants understand the possible consequences of inflexibility in
attempting to resolve conflicts.
Approaches to Conflict: Role Play Demonstration
PURPOSE: To help participants understand that conflict is a natural occurrence, and that
everyone has different approaches in dealing with conflict situations.
Participants will have an opportunity to learn about approaches in general and
their own in particular.
When Conflict Creates Stress, Don't Just Stand There!
PURPOSE: To help participants understand that stress may be one of the normal reactions
when disputants are engaged in conflict. To offer suggestions on how to deal
with that stress in a constructive way.
Introduction to Listening: A Self Inventory
PURPOSE: To help participants understand the importance of listening in a conflict
situation, and to give participants an opportunity to assess their present listening
skills.
III. Understanding Conflict
Tug of War or Peace .
PURPOSE: To see the extent that individuals will go in holding on to a position.
Red Flags
PURPOSE: To give participants an opportunity to examine phrases that often create or
escalate conflict.
Benefits and Barriers: Exploring Third-Party Intervention
PURPOSE: To explore the advantages and disadvantages of using a third party to help in
resolving a conflict.
Mismatched? Are You Reading the Nonverbal Clues?
PURPOSE: To allow participants to experience the significance of nonverbal behavior (body
language) and explore its relationship to an understanding of the other side.
Constructive or Destructive Conflict: Lessons to Be Learned
PURPOSE: To determine how some conflict can be constructive, rather than destructive.
IV. Values and Perceptions
Gaining a Different Perspective
PURPOSE: To help participants realize that in a conflict situation they may have to change
their position in order to see things from a different perspective.
Assumptions: Who Needs 'Em? 7
PURPOSE: To be aware of how the assumptions we make about a person may prove to be a disadvantage.
The Big Bad Wolf. Or Is It?
PURPOSE: To acknowledge different perspectives and learn to find creative solutions for all
parties involved in a conflict situation.
Portrait of a Peacemaker
PURPOSE: To examine the qualities of peacemakers, who avoid violence in favor of
resolving conflicts through peaceful means.
V. Resolving Conflict Situations
What Kind of Question Is That?
PURPOSE: To help participants learn about "yes-no" and "open-ended" questions, and
practice how to ask the best questions when trying to resolve a conflict
Brainstorming: The Case of the Stolen Account
PURPOSE: To learn how brainstorming can be helpful in resolving conflict.
Resistance . . . Options to the Rescue!
PURPOSE:
1. To show participants how to recognize and understand resistance situations
2. To deal with resistance situations by offering options
Listening for the Other Person's Point of View: Paraphrasing
PURPOSE: To emphasize the importance of listening to the other side in a conflict and
initially responding by using the valuable skill of paraphrasing.
Third-Party Mediation
PURPOSE: To explore third party mediation as an alternative course of action in conflict
resolution; to learn the stages of mediation and how to practice them.
Formulating Clear Agreements
PURPOSE: To provide participants with an opportunity to understand the importance of
formulating clear agreements as the final step in resolving conflict. The
participants will also observe what goes into making practical agreements, and
gain practice developing them through role play.
Curbside Conflict Resolution
PURPOSE: To help participants learn how to quickly handle a minor conflict in which a
resolution is required, without getting into all the details. This calls for a prompt
solution, one they can work out "on the run."
Part 2
Introduction to the Back of the Book . . . Self-Development
This section of the book offers an individualized approach to learning about and
dealing with conflict.
I. Exploring Conflict
Early Takes on Conflict .
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To examine your own thoughts and feelings
about conflict and conflict resolution, and establish a baseline for your
perspective.
Exploring Sources of Conflict
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To uncover the sources of conflict and better
understand their effect on conflict situations.
Self-Assessment in Dealing with Differences
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To assess one's own attitudes in dealing with
differences
Analyzing a Conflict: Is It Worth Getting Into?
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To learn to analyze a conflict situation and
decide what the real issues are and whether or not the conflict is worth working
on.
II. Know Yourself
The Role of Values in Conflict Resolution
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To explore how individual differences in values
underlie the effect that culture has on creating and attempting to resolve conflict.
In the Heat of the Moment
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To examine how emotions might interfere with
the process of conflict resolution.
Which Conflict Resolution Style Is Yours?
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To become familiar with the four basic conflict resolution
styles and identify your predominant style.
How to Deal with Hot Buttons
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To understand the meaning and implications of
the term "hot button" and how this information fits in with the process of conflict
resolution.
III. Understanding Conflict
Resolving a Conflict through Planning
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To demonstrate the planning that ought to be
part of every conflict resolution process.
Why People Avoid Dealing with Conflict Resolution
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To explore reasons why some people are often
unwilling to deal with the process of conflict resolution.
Four Conflict Resolution Styles: When to Use Each
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To become more familiar with the four basic
conflict-resolution styles, and to learn to recognize when one style will be more
useful than others.
Mediation: Test Your Knowledge .
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To find out what you know or believe to be true
about mediation, and to clarify possible misconceptions.
IV. Values and Perceptions
Evaluating Your Conflict Resolution Skills.
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To help you evaluate your conflict-resolution
capabilities.
First Thoughts about Others: "Perception IQ" Quiz .
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To demonstrate how we often make up our
minds about a person at first sight.
The Ideal Peacemaker: Can You Imagine That?
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To determine what qualities and skills are most
typical of effective peacemakers. ( "Peacemaker" is defined in Webster's New
World Dictionary as "a person who makes peace by settling the disagreements of
others".)
V. Resolving Conflict Situations
h
Uncovering the Hidden Agenda
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To address two intertwined subjects: the
interests of parties engaged in conflict, and how individuals can respond in a
nonjudgmental way.
Your Turn: A Nonjudgmental Exercise
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To understand nonjudgmental responses and
practice making them.
A Questionable Exercise
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To explore various types of questions, both
positive and negative, and how they can affect a conflict situation.
Direct Communication: Its Use in Conflict Resolution .
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To use direct communication as a tool in
resolving conflicts.
Supportive Listening: What's Your Score?
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To help you become more aware of your
listening skills, determine where your strengths are, and discover what aspects
you might develop more fully.
Skills That Make a Difference
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To revisit the skills that make a difference in the
outcome of a conflict-resolution session.
Fact vs. Opinion .
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To clarify the difference between fact and
opinion, and learn to use language that reflects facts rather than opinion.
Escalate vs. Acknowledge: The Choice Is Yours
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To show how the choice of words or phrases by
one party might escalate the confrontational tone of a meeting, or reduce the
tension by acknowledging the position of the other party.
Turning Negatives into Positives
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To practice the art of re-framing negative
statements into positive ones.
Eight Different Points of View
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To understand that the perceptions of others
often play a role in conflict resolution. People frequently base their opinions of
others on first impressions, or even on superficial clues. This exercise
demonstrates how quick and easy it is to categorize differences based on our
own personal frame of reference.
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